I thought I would update you on what has been going on with me recently, although I think that you know already as I am sure that you are a guiding light for me. Or at least trying to point me in the right direction in my rocky road of life and not putting your hands over your eyes saying ‘no Lisa – please don’t do that and why not try a normal life for a change?’!
Well, you will be pleased to know I have continued to live my life in true ‘Lisa Style’ I think I have pulled it off this time – ‘thank the Lord’ I know you will say. Yes, you can relax now as I, think I am on a vague path of normality!
I have returned home from the depths of Africa and live a stone’s throw away from Mum. I know you will be pleased about that and I have loved come back to my roots. You never stopped me doing anything in my life but now I understand your concern at some of my more bizarre choices but you supported me through everything.
I always thought you would be there for me and did not even consider the fact that one moment you were here and then you left us. I know you fought hard until the end and I still don’t think I have accepted you have gone.
I know you did not want me to know how unwell you were and you wanted to protect me from the bad things in life. For me you are the strong person who never wanted to show pain and is always the one to look after everyone else. It was very hard to see you so ill, even though I knew you were trying to cover it and protect me as you always do! I remember when I was in my early 20’s you always told people I was 11 as you still thought I was a child!
In the few weeks I spent with you when I came back to visit under the pretence I was working as you did not want to worry me. This allowed us to have some good times together, even though I knew you were struggling. Father and Daughter time and that meant a lot to me. I do very much regret not being there more during your illness and I know that Mum and Richard went through times that were very hard for them to bare. It certainly was a reason for me to see sense and come home as family is the most important part of life.
There is not a day that I don’t think of you or wish you were here. So many things trigger memories of you. For that I am lucky and grateful as it means your with me daily.
You taught me to weld at about the age of 7 years old at your factory. I loved going to the factory and seeing where ‘my Dad’ worked. You used to come home and smell of metal. Walking into a workshop now triggers memories of welding, punching holes in metal and taking it back home to show Mum!
Only a Dad like you would have been able to put my mind at ease when I rang you to say I could not continue in my marriage but I felt really bad as you had spent so much money on the wedding. ‘Did you enjoy the day?’ you said ‘one of the best in my life’ I said. ‘Well then that’s all I need to know and as long as your happy then so am I’ Off I went, left my husband and was on my way to another chapter of my life with full support from you.
I used to love arriving back at Heathrow Airport from one of my adventures as I know you would be there to pick me up at Arrivals. I used to be so excited to come around the corner, tired and lugging my baggage but knowing you would be there for me. Every time I go through the departure gate now I still look out for you as I am sure you have not gone and one day you might be there and we can go and have a glass of wine and I can tell you all about my adventures.
How many times did you move me into a house, move me out of a house, set up my washing machine, checking I was not buying a clapped out banger? Too many times to remember
How many times did you come and pick me up from parties at daft o clock in the morning or collect me from my waitressing job? It would have been cheaper for you just to have paid me as the petrol costs plus you travelling back and forward would have cost more than my waitress earnings!
Coming back home was hard but the right thing to do and within a year I am back on my feet, fit, healthy and settled. I have become physically and mentally strong again which is now allowing me to get control of my life and start my own business!
Yes, my own business – well it’s in the family isn’t it? I'm doing gardening, decorating, an 'odd job' lady! already customers on the books so the practical skills you taught me are now in action! http://www.happyhomeliving.co.uk/
I think you will approve of what I am doing and with Chau, my partner. With him being the power and force behind it I think it’s going to work. You would like Chau, he is kind to me, supportive and patient (which I am sure is not easy for him at times!) He looks after me and I know that’s what you would have liked.
You should see me running now! I so wish you could be at the events I participate in. Remember when Richard and I did the Tough Guy Event and you and Mum were our support team?
Actually you were my support team every weekend for years and years when I was riding. Up early, (usually raining) driving the horsebox and waiting patiently while Rusty (the half devil half pony) used to cart me off around the showground and deposit me over the fence. Sometimes Rusty and I jumped the fence together – most of the time he let me do it on my own!
For you as long as I tried my best that was all that mattered and with this instilled in me from an early age I continue to try my best at everything I do.
I have progressed within the year to 5km runs, to 10km, half marathons and now training for my first marathon which I am doing with Richard and I am really excited about that. You might not know it but there have been many a time when you have helped me finish a race. When my legs don’t feel like they want to go one more step I gain strength and determination from you and you get me through the finish line so you see you still have not left me. Apparently I am quite competitive – so I have been told!
The last time I saw you when we were having cup of tea at the garden centre you asked me if I was happy. Well Dad, it took some time and a few trial and errors to get there but now I can say – Yes, I am happy and content and I know you are looking out for me.
That’s all for now as I have a new business to start and need to drum up some more trade. I am going to do what you do and work hard and do my best and I will make you proud.
Lots of love
Remember your Chelsea Football Teddy Bear? Well he is now in my car and helps me out when I get the occasional panic attack. I do talk to him, I pretend he is you. See – I have not changed that much and I am still daft!