I have had OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) for as long as I can remember. Certainly early teenage years. Over the years it has got worse, got better but never actually gone away.
I much better now but it still goes in fits and starts and depending on the day it can take me 5 minutes or 20 minutes to get out of the house in the morning.
I have to factor this in my morning routine and if Chau is already at work I know it’s going to take a little more time!
Suited, booted and bag in hand, everything checked and all good to go
Bag back on the table
‘Did I switch off all the lights’? – mmm – not sure, best go and look in every room
‘Is the towel rail still on’? Not that I turned it on but it may have miraculously turned itself on in the night
‘Might the cat be in the freezer’? Why on earth would I think that? Anyway this must be checked as well
‘Where are the cats anyway’? It’s vital for their safety that I touch with my left hand before I leave for work (can’t be the right hand)
‘All taps off’? Yes, but I must hold my hand underneath each one just in case (I have not used a bath or months but must make sure)
OK – all fine and the cats have food and water.
Now for the tricky bit… I need to lock the door, Oh the stress of it all!
Lock it, try the handle, walk to the car, return to the door try it again – pushing it the ritual five times (no more no less) OK, off I go. This process could happen about 4 times.
Finally, in the car, must just pop out to check the cats are not under the car which is quite awkward depending on my dress attire for the day (lucky it’s quite where we live if I am wearing something a little short and grovelling under the car for cats…)
Done – and I am off to work for a rest!
I don’t know why I do it or what triggered it in the first place. I have not gone through anything traumatic particularly or been burgled which would explain the checking the door obsession.
When I want to relax my mind seems to switch on to say ‘Oh no you don’t you have to do some checking first’
So off we go again
Sit on sofa with a magazine
‘Have the cats got water’? I have just filled it up but best check
‘Is my Debit Card in my purse’? Of course it is but I must just check – what made me think that one?
‘Have I left the tap running upstairs’?
‘For Goodness Sake – sit down’!!
Quite frankly it’s all very exhausting. I know why I do so many steps on my Garmin now, it’s all the unnecessary steps I take checking for something that has not happened.
And so it goes on, I am almost acceptant that I have to go through this routine before I can allow myself to sit down.
I understand what I doing is not normal but try telling my brain that.
As I said it is getting better and I am looking at different ways to reduce this cycle step by step and I will get there. I know there are many effective methods available and time to try them out!
In the meantime, I need to make sure that the TV volume is always on an even number (otherwise the world may possibly end) the iron is in a separate room from the ironing board and the cat is not in the freezer
Is every plug switched off? Excellent
I need a little sit down now!
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